Stopped by the cafeteria at work to grab some soup for lunch (today's cream of tomato), noticed a couple of folks from Banquets in there setting up for a function. Apparently we've got an employee awards thing at 2pm today that nobody told me about. Paycheck pickup's normally not until 4pm, except when they do the awards things. So I stopped by HR to verify the early deadline, and kinda lost it emotionally. I tend to express frustration with tears, always have as long as I can remember. HR Guy locked his office door to let me vent, gave me a buisness card for a free counseling service that's part of our medical benefits. There've been a lot of changes at work lately and I really don't cope with change very well. Reminds me of some of the boys' meltdowns when their routine changes. I'm pretty sure, if I'd had today's medical standards when I was a kid, I would have been diagnosed in the autism spectrum too. They had to get it from somewhere, right?
I did get HR Guy to apologize for not telling me and to promise better communication, to let me know when we've got new hires or internal transfers - though I'll believe it when I see it. He's just not detail-oriented the way his (laid off) assistant was, or that I am, so he just misses a lot of the little things. It'll just take time for both of us to get used to the new routine.
I didn't tell him I already had the paychecks ready to go, they came in yesterday so I finished that before I left. But somehow, even though I knew it wasn't actually an issue this time, I just couldn't let it slide by. I guess the core issue behind the meltdown was just that I'm sick of feeling left out, always being the last to know anything even when it affects my job directly. It feels like being forgotten, like I'm not worth remembering.